La Vita Va Avanti
by LostInAGoodBook
Summary: Lost. That was exactly how he felt, he was lost without Yvonne.
1. Lost

The taxi pulled up on a pleasant suburban street with manicured lawns and white picket fences in front of the modestly sized houses. It was bitterly cold, ominous looking grey clouds loomed overhead and the cold hit Nick Jordan instantly as he stepped out of the cab. He rubbed his hands together in an attempt to warm them and wrapped his burgundy scarf around his neck, before reaching into the pocket of his trousers to retrieve his wallet. Pulling out a couple of notes, he handed the taxi driver his fare as well as a generous tip, through the ever so slightly opened window. The driver, a jovial man in his fifties was clearly delighted and thanked Nick. "Have a nice day, sir" he wished Nick as he drove away.

Nick sighed. He just hoped he could make it through the day without wanting to shut himself in a room and sob. The strength of the emotions he was feeling, the pain, he had never felt anything like it before. The past fortnight had been the darkest days of his life and he couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. "Just take it one day at a time" Charlie had advised him. He tried, he went through each day on auto-pilot but everything reminded him of her, of his loss. He needed to keep himself busy. Perhaps it would get easier once he started work, once he had something to focus on.

A gust of chilly wind blew towards Nick, making him snap out of his thoughts. He turned his eyes skyward, it was darkening by the minute and a large drop of rain landed on his forehead, closely followed by several more. The little gate creaking as he opened it, he hurried towards the house and rang the doorbell, before putting his cold hands in his coat pockets as he waited for the door to be opened.

He didn't have long to wait as the door was opened almost immediately by a woman in her mid to late sixties, her silver hair in a bun and a blue chequed apron over her floral dress. "Nick, lovely to see you again! Come on in." He was greeted warmly by a smile and a handshake, she took his scarf and coat and Nick thanked her for kindly inviting him over for lunch.

"Mr Jordan." A familiar voice greeted Nick and he extended his hand to the gentleman. "Good afternoon, Mr Meyer" he said. "Long time, no see." His former boss led him into the living room, he wore a dark suit and apart from the grey hair, didn't look like he had aged much at all since the last time Nick had seen him.

Nick had imagined Mr Meyer's place of residence to be larger, palatial even. However it was in fact quite cosy, homely and the delicious aroma of roast chicken permeated the house. He sat on a large chocolate brown leather sofa, Anton seated himself on an armchair close to the fire, whilst Mrs Meyer busied herself preparing the food, the clanking of pans and clattering of plates in the kitchen audible throughout the house. Nick surveyed his surroundings, his eyes were immediately drawn to the large bookcase that seemed to dominate the room. It reached almost to the ceiling and was filled with books of various sizes and thickness, there were short books as well as hefty tomes, old leather bound volumes and newer paperbacks.

An awkward silence seemed to hang between them. It had been over a decade since they had last seen each other, thirteen years to be precise, when Nick had departed Holby City Hospital under a cloud. They had however stayed in touch, corresponding now again by email and occasionally by letter, which nowadays some might consider to be an archaic method of communication. Despite the fact that Nick had changed specialties, moving from cardio-thoracic surgery to emergency medicine over four years ago, he had retained a keen interest in CT and Meyer regularly sent him articles from various medical journals and information about the latest research, enabling him to stay up to date with medical advances.

Despite the years that had passed since they last worked together and how high up the career ladder Nick had climbed - he had become a Consultant in three different specialties - CT, general surgery and emergency medicine, and had run one of the best emergency departments in the UK - he found that he was again feeling like he was Meyer's mentee.

It was his former mentor who finally broke the silence. "What brings you to Michigan, Mr Jordan?" he inquired. "The last I heard you were running Holby City's Emergency Department."

Nick had hoped he wouldn't have to answer that question, at least not yet. "I felt it was time to move on" he replied simply after a moment's hesitation. Meyer raised an eyebrow quizzically, waiting for Nick to elaborate further, however Mrs Meyer - Nick didn't actually know her first name, he had only met her once before when she had accompanied her husband to a fundraising dinner they had attended - walked in, informing them that the meal was ready. She led Nick to the dining room whilst Anton entered the adjoining kitchen and emerged a couple of minutes later with the roast chicken and potatoes, fresh from the oven.

The dining room was light and airy, with beige walls, wooden flooring and a large oak dining table with six chairs. There were patio doors which led out onto the vast, well-kept garden, and Nick stood by them, gazing at the trees being buffeted by the wind, which had picked up considerably in the last ten minutes or so. Their bare branches swayed wildly in the gusts, looking as though they may break at any moment. He watched the driving rain beat against the glass of the patio doors and the dark clouds that hung low on the horizon promised yet more. Nick sighed, it was a bleak scene.

"Nick."

Nick started at the sound of his name being called and turned around to find the Meyers standing around the table, their eyes fixed on him. They glanced fleetingly at each other before Mrs Meyer remarked in jest that he looked "a bit lost."

Lost. That was exactly how he felt, he was lost without Yvonne. He knew there were different stages of grief and that time was a healer, however knowing that did not lessen the pain an iota. He was a heart surgeon, he had fixed many hearts over the years but he now knew what it felt like to have a broken heart - one that could not be fixed.

"Is everything alright, Mr Jordan?" questioned Mr Meyer. Nick forced himself to smile and assured his hosts that he was fine, though still a little jet-lagged. He was ushered to his seat at the table which was laden with an array of dishes that looked and smelled very appetising and Nick realised he was rather hungry, he hadn't eaten anything all day apart from half a bagel with his coffee early in the morning. There was a roast chicken on a platter surrounded by potatoes, various other roasted and steamed vegetables, Yorkshire puddings, gravy and a bottle of red wine. In the middle of the table sat a tall glass vase containing red and pale pink roses.

_Sunshine streamed into the kitchen and a soft, cool summer breeze blew in from the open window and the back door which was slightly ajar. "Morning" said Nick as he entered the room with a smile on his face, only to find Yvonne wasn't actually there. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the room and two mugs sat on the black granite worktop beside the coffee maker, as well as a plate of croissants. Upon glancing out of the window Nick saw his partner was outside, watering the plants. She was dressed casually in a white t-shirt and jeans and her dark curly hair was tied back loosely in a ponytail._

_Nick stepped outside and Yvonne's face lit up with a smile as she saw him approaching. "Morning, Mr Jordan." _

_"Morning, Superintendent" They shared a kiss and stood silently for a moment, their arms wrapped around each other, content in each other's company. The sky was azure, birds chirped merrily in the trees and the garden was a riot of colour with the bright orange marigolds and geraniums of various colours blooming in the flowerbeds and the fragrant deep red roses at the end of the garden. A white butterfly fluttered past, alighting on a flower just feet away from where they stood. __Yvonne picked up the large green watering can at her feet and proceeded to water the rose bushes. Roses were her favourite flower, she said, lightly touching a soft crimson petal._

_"I didn't know you have green fingers" Nick remarked with a smile as he gazed around the garden._

_"I don't" laughed Yvonne. "A gardener comes once a week." _

"Nick?"

"Hmm?" He noticed two pairs of eyes on him again, his former boss looked thoughtful but remained silent, whilst his wife offered him some more gravy. "Thank you" Nick accepted, mostly out of politeness. He didn't much feel like eating, nor did he feel like talking but of course he had to make an effort, so he complimented the hostess on her cooking and made small talk.

Conversation at the dinner table soon moved towards work and Nick listened intently when Anton revealed there would soon be a vacancy in the surgical department at the hospital in Detroit he worked at - one of the senior surgeons was to retire in a few weeks. Nick wanted to start work as soon as possible, he had to keep himself busy, he wasn't sure how he'd get through each day otherwise.

Though Anton had always seemed cold and aloof to Nick when they had worked together, he now seemed less reserved and quite relaxed. Whether it was because he was at home or because he had mellowed in recent years, Nick didn't know. He even insisted on helping his wife, who Nick learnt was called Ann and used to be a nurse, with the dishes once they had finished their meal.

After the repast Nick and Anton were seated in the living room when Ann brought in cups of coffee and pastries. Setting the tray down on the wooden coffee table, she told Nick to help himself, and he did so, adding a drop of milk but no sugar to his cup.

_"Mr Jordan." Nick was standing at the main reception desk writing up some notes and turned around to see the attractive, feisty DCI he'd met earlier striding towards him, her heels clicking loudly on the floor._

_"DCI Rippon. How can I help you?"_

_She smiled, her grey eyes twinkling. "Where can I get a coffee?" she asked. "Preferably one that doesn't taste like dishwater."_

_Instead of pointing her towards the coffee machine as Nick would usually do when asked where someone could get a hot beverage, he offered to get her one and they walked to the staff room, where he poured her a strong black coffee, freshly brewed in the cafetiere._

_"Sugar?" she asked, and Nick handed her one of the sugar sachets from the little bowl. Much to his astonishment she requested two more. Three sugars in a cup of coffee? How unhealthy, he thought. Either the DCI read his mind or his disapproval was evident on his face, for she told him as she emptied the sachets into her cup "don't go all doctory on me, it is brown sugar."_

Nick gulped down the rest of the coffee in his cup, wincing as it was still hot, and placed it quickly back onto the tray on the table. His hosts, sitting beside each other on the leather sofa sipping their coffees, glanced at each other with a look of consternation as the cup clattered and Nick hurriedly got to his feet, mumbling something about having to leave. The aching in Nick's heart had increased and become a sharp pain in his chest and he felt as though he needed some fresh air - the room was stifling.

"Is everything alright, Nick?" asked Ann, her concern evident in her voice and in her eyes. Both she and her husband stood up, placing their cups down on the table in front of them.

"Everything's fine" he replied, attempting to smile and sound convincing. "Lunch was lovely, Mrs Meyer, thank you very much but I really must be going." He headed for the door, only to be stopped from leaving the room by Anton placing a hand on his arm.

"Mr Jordan" he said, his voice stern. Nick, his hand still grasping the door handle, didn't turn around but felt a steely glare fixed on him.

"I want to know what's going on" demanded Mr Meyer. "You've been distracted all afternoon, you clearly have something on your mind. I'm aware you intend on applying for the surgical job at my hospital but if I am to consider you for the role I need to know what's troubling you. As you know, I expect my staff to be one hundred percent focused."

Nick felt as though he'd gone back in time and was once again a registrar on Meyer's firm, being lectured about the importance of being completely focused on the job. He was right of course, Nick expected the same from his staff too, they couldn't afford to make mistakes.

Was he really ready to return to work? His colleagues had thought otherwise when he'd turned up at the hospital to work a shift just after Yvonne had been laid to rest. He had wanted to keep himself busy, thinking that it would help him cope with his loss, that if he kept himself occupied perhaps he wouldn't feel so much pain. He had realised by the end of the day that his colleagues had been right, it was too soon to return to work. He had also decided he couldn't stay in Holby, there were too many memories. He had come face to face with the man responsible for Yvonne's death, heard him confess to attacking her on that fateful summer night six months ago, and later had to perform life-saving surgery on him. He had got justice for Yvonne, but it wouldn't bring her back. Every time he'd walked through the reception area that eventful and sorrow-filled day, he had seen Yvonne's smiling face on the front of newspapers being perused by people in the waiting area, under the headline: FUNERAL FOR HOLBY RIOT COP.

How he missed her smile. He'd met Yvonne in that hospital but it was also where he had lost her - there were too many painful memories, he could not continue working there. What he would do, where he would go, he didn't know yet. He had later set sight on a photo frame behind his desk, it was of himself in his days as a cardio-thoracic registrar and his mentor - the man who had taught him so much and made him the brilliant doctor he was today. They had only worked together for a few years but Mr Meyer had made an impression on him. He had moved to Michigan and was currently working on developing an artificial heart, Nick too had worked on the same with Lord Byrne before moving to emergency medicine so had knowledge on the subject.

So here he was, in Michigan, hoping to find a purpose, some direction, in his life. Work was all he had left now. For so long it had been the most important thing in his life - until he met Yvonne. She had walked into his life, captured his heart and become his everything. Now she was gone.

Nick loosened his grip on the door handle and slowly turned around, Anton was taken aback at seeing the anguish in his eyes. He walked towards the window and gazed out, the room silent apart from the sound of the torrent outside which showed no sign of letting up. It was a couple of minutes before he spoke, his voice quiet but steady and betraying not a hint of his inner turmoil.

"My partner Yvonne died two weeks ago...I miss her."

* * *

When Nick later bade his hosts goodbye, stepped outside and walked down the path he was surprised to see the rain had stopped and the sun had emerged from behind a cloud, its rays shining down and making the raindrops on the blades of grass glisten. He watched a solitary bird fly overhead, soaring high above the rooftops and out of sight. The taxi he had ordered was waiting in front of the house and Nick shut the gate behind him, opened the car door and got in. His heart had been broken and his world turned upside down, but as his mother said, _la vita va avanti. _Life goes on. He knew he had to learn to live again.


	2. Dreams

**Thank you very much for reading and for your very kind reviews, it is very much appreciated. Here's the next chapter.**

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_They strolled together across the grass on a beautiful day with glorious sunshine and crystal clear azure skies - the kind of day that brings joy to the heart and a spring in one's step. The leaves on the trees rustled in the gentle breeze and the lake glistened in the distance. She stopped and turned to face him, her eyes sparkling._

_"Nick..." she said._

* * *

Nick awoke with a start and a second later grief washed over him like a wave. He closed his eyes as memories came flooding back and his heart felt as though it was breaking once again. It seemed as though he had cried a river in the past twenty days but it had dried up now and the tears no longer came, there was just a constant ache and a feeling of emptiness.

Every night Yvonne was in his dreams and there was a moment every morning upon awakening that he would feel no pain. It lasted merely a split second, a few seconds on occasion if he had been in a very deep sleep - but pretty soon realisation would dawn, he would be overcome by an overwhelming sense of loss and pain and he would wonder how he was going to get through the day.

Nick yawned, threw back the bed covers, got out of bed and readied himself to face the day ahead. He showered, dressed in a white shirt and black trousers then switched on the television in the corner of his hotel room and wearily perched on an armchair as he flicked through the channels, before switching it off again. The room was dark due to the thick navy blue curtains still being drawn and as he picked up his Rolex, which was lying on the bedside cabinet, he saw that it had only just turned 8am. He wondered what he would do that day.

He was trying to take one day at a time. Anton Meyer had told him he had to allow himself to grieve, that time was a healer and that, although it may not feel like it now, it would get easier to cope with his loss. It seemed to Nick as though time had slowed down, the days had never seemed longer and he tried to fill the hours by touring Detroit, visiting the museums and wandering the city's parks. He would be surrounded by people in the bustling streets but never had he felt so alone.

Nick had got used to being on his own and going home every day to an empty flat before he met Yvonne. They had been together ten months but it felt as though they'd known each other for years. Their relationship was uncomplicated, there was an instant connection between them from the moment they met and although they had bickered and had had disagreements on occasion about professional matters, it hadn't affected their personal relationship. He had been the happiest he'd been in a long time and even his colleagues had noticed, commenting on his good moods and more relaxed demeanour.

How he wished Yvonne was beside him as he toured the city, she would have liked it. They had talked often about visiting the USA, Yvonne had particularly wanted to visit New York City, Nick had been once several years go and they had decided they would go together one day. They talked of going to see The Statue Of Liberty, strolling in Central Park, seeing a play on Broadway. They wanted to see the magnificent Niagara Falls and walk on California's golden beaches as the waves lapped gently on the shore. They had both realised early in their relationship that they had a future together but both of them having such demanding jobs and busy schedules meant that they had not got round to organising their dream holiday. Then one summer night both their lives had been changed forever and their hopes and dreams shattered.

Nick sighed and dropped onto the armchair as the memories of that terrible night and the months that followed came rushing back. The shock upon hearing she had been seriously injured, the fear that he was going to lose her - never before had he felt such fear as he felt that night. He remembered the look of terror in Yvonne's eyes as the ambulance was attacked by the rioters - he had held her hand and assured her as best he could that everything would be okay as she lay in immense pain whilst the screaming mob hurled objects, banged on the doors of the vehicle and prevented them from getting to the hospital. She had arrested before they got to the ED and he had been forced to perform surgery on her in the back of the ambulance.

Though Nick had realised he was falling for Yvonne soon after their first date, it was that night that he had realised just how much he loved her, how he would do anything for her and couldn't live without her.

He recalled the long days and nights that followed keeping vigil at her bedside, and the months taking care of her at home. It hadn't been easy, there were good days and bad days and it pained him to see Yvonne, who had been so independent, strong and feisty, in pain and struggling with the simplest everyday tasks. But he was grateful for every precious moment they had together.

He remembered Christmas Eve. Late that frosty December night, they had been lying together on her bed in the living room, listening to the radio, as they usually did every evening.

_The room was warm and filled with the soft glow from a single lamp beside the bed, Yvonne's right hand was in Nick's left, their fingers intertwined. They lay in silence, content in each other's company as festive tunes filled the room._

___ It was their first Christmas together and Nick was determined it would be a memorable one. They wouldn't be having turkey with all the trimmings for Christmas lunch - his cooking skills were rudimentary. T__hey didn't have a tree adorned with tinsel and colourful, twinkling fairy lights, with piles of gifts underneath, but they had each other. After all, that was what Christmas was about - spending time with the people you love. Both Nick and Yvonne had spent the festive period in recent years working long hours before returning to the silence and solitude of their homes._

_The opening melodies of the oft-played song Fairytale of New York started, and Yvonne turned her head to look into Nick's eyes. __"I wish we'd gone to New York" she said with wistfulness in her eyes and voice as she reflected on broken dreams._

_Nick turned onto his side to face her,__ gazed into her greenish-grey eyes and smiled. " We will" he said earnestly. Yvonne returned the smile, heartened by his optimism._

They had had a good Christmas with smiles and laughter and as Nick continued to reminisce, his heartache intensified. But he did not want to stop remembering. Memories were all he had left, and he knew that as long as he kept remembering Yvonne, she wasn't really gone. She was in his heart, and there she would always be.

Life was fragile, Nick knew that. He has been a doctor for almost twenty-five years and in that time he had seen a lot of pain and heartache and families torn apart. He had also come face to face with his own mortality a few years ago. He knew just how precious time was and how everyone wished they had more of it - more time to spend doing all the things they've always wanted to do; time to spend doing nothing at all; time to spend with the ones they love. Time was not to be wasted.

Nick stood up from the chair he had been seated on for almost an hour, as he realised upon consulting his watch, and walked over to the window. He opened the curtains, allowing sunlight to flood into the room. It was a fine day with bright sunshine and just a few wispy clouds floating in the pale blue sky. The streets below were busy with traffic and people coming and going, some hurrying by, others ambling at a gentler pace.

He put on his jacket and coat, picked up his wallet, slipped it into his trouser pocket and left the room. He had decided he would go for some breakfast before booking his flight to New York.


	3. Strength

**Thank you very much for your lovely reviews, they really encourage me to write more. Here is chapter 3. Dedicated to RacingRosso and everyone who read and reviewed.**

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Nick looked down at the plate that sat in front of him, piled high with pancakes and covered in maple syrup. He wondered how he would manage to finish it all - whilst he was rather hungry, it was a large portion and he hadn't a very good appetite of late. He sat at a small table for two by the window in the corner, it was early on a Wednesday morning and the little cafe was filled with diners, some hurriedly wolfing down their breakfasts and others enjoying it at a more leisurely pace. The cafe was filled with the sounds of chatter and mirth, as well as forks and plates clattering. The delicious aroma of hot pancakes, waffles and fresh coffee permeated the air.

Outside, the streets of The Big Apple were bustling, car horns were blaring on the congested roads and the pavements were packed with people, many with briefcases in hand and mobile phones to their ears as they headed for work. It was a sunny March day though bitterly cold, there was an icy wind and Nick was glad to be inside in the warmth with a nice hot breakfast in front of him.

He took a gulp of his double espresso and picked up the fork that lay on a white napkin beside the plate. As he popped a piece of soft and fluffy pancake into his mouth, he looked sadly at the empty blue chair opposite him on the other side of the table. He could almost see Yvonne sitting in front of him, no doubt her pancakes would be completely smothered in syrup, as she had done the morning after their first date when they had gone for breakfast together. She had a very sweet tooth, she liked ridiculous amounts of sugar in her coffee and she got through quite a lot of that in a day. Nick smiled at the recollection, and realised it was actually the first time in what seemed like ages that he had smiled.

He ate slowly, his mind drifting back to that morning almost a year ago when they had gone for breakfast together after having to work a long night shift. It was that day that he had realised he was falling for Yvonne.

_Nick parked his car and sauntered across the road towards her house, his coat slung over his arm. His heart rate quickened as he knocked on the glass pane of the blue door and waited for it to be answered. The door opened moments later and Yvonne stood before him in a white dressing gown, her dark wavy hair loose and cascading over her shoulders._

_"Hi" she said, her face lighting up with a broad smile, clearly just as delighted to see him as he was to see her. Usually suave and charming, Nick was never at a loss for words but as he stood outside her front door gazing at her, he didn't quite know what to say._

_"Hi. Morning" was all he managed._

_Yvonne invited him in, suggesting they go out for breakfast. As he stepped inside, Nick came to the realisation that he was smitten._

Did Yvonne know just how much he loved her? Nick was wondering as he glanced again at the empty chair. He knew Yvonne loved him, he saw it in her smile and when he looked into her eyes. He had told her he loved her on several occasions, he wished he had told her more often. The first time he said those three words was when he sat at her side in the ambulance, holding her cold hand in his, terrified he was going to lose her. He wished he had told her sooner.

Nick had never been good at talking about his feelings, about matters of the heart. Love had inspired countless poems to be written over the centuries, songs were sung and grand palaces constructed. And whilst Nick had not composed sonnets for his beloved, bought her glittering diamonds, huge bunches of flowers or performed any such romantic gestures, he hoped she knew that he loved her more than he loved anything in the world. Though he may not have been able to express it in words, he had tried to show her.

Picking up the last piece of pancake with his fork - he had managed to finish it after all, Nick gazed thoughtfully out of the window, watching the world go by, everyone seemed to be in a in a hurry to get somewhere. He did love the fast paced city life but in recent years Nick had often thought about slowing down and moving to a nice cottage by the sea. He had mentioned it to Yvonne one day and she had laughed and said he would get bored pretty quickly. She knew him too well.

Having finished his breakfast, Nick paid and left a generous tip, before putting on his coat and heading for the door, all whilst remaining lost in his memories. As he stepped out onto the street, a gust of cold wind hit him and instantly brought him back to the present, as he breathed in the fresh spring air he realised his phone was ringing. Perhaps it was Charlie or Zoe, they called regularly to find out how he was, what he was doing. It was good to hear from them, his two closest friends, but the conversations now were always short and stilted, neither of them seemed to quite know what to say to him.

Or perhaps the caller was Yvonne's mother Diana. She called him often, and though hearing her voice caused him to suffer a pang of anguish as recollections of the day he lost Yvonne came flooding back, it was good to talk to her. She had given him strength in the dark days that followed, days so dark that Nick thought he would never see light again. They had given each other strength, the strength to carry on and when he talked about Yvonne it felt as though she was still with him.

Nick reached into his jacket pocket to retrieve his ringing phone, and saw the name MEYER on the display. Answering, they exchanged pleasantries briefly before Meyer informed him that they would be interviewing the applicants for the surgeon's job at his hospital the following week, and that Nick should be there if he still wanted the job.

Did he still want it? He did. He had to go back to work, to keep himself busy - work was all he had now. He also knew he had something to offer - although he had been working in emergency medicine for the past four years, he was an eminent and highly skilled cardio-thoracic surgeon, one who had learnt from the best. He and Meyer would make a great team.

"Monday? I'll be there. Thank you Mr Meyer."


	4. A good day

**Thank you very much for your reviews! Here is the penultimate chapter.**

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Early in the afternoon on a cold and overcast day, Nick was wandering through Central Park - hundreds of acres of lush green in the middle of bustling Manhattan. His coat was buttoned up and he had a burgundy scarf wrapped around his neck as he ambled down the park's paths, the bare branches of the trees swayed gently in the cool breeze and the grass was damp from a rain shower several hours earlier. He scrolled through the tracks on his MP3 player, choosing to listen to some Bach, and placed the earphones in his ears. Slipping the MP3 player back into his pocket, he rubbed his hands together in an attempt to keep them warm. It felt more like winter than early spring.

The park was, as usual, busy. There were tourists exploring, people enjoying their lunch breaks in the scenic beauty, and joggers getting some exercise in the fresh air. An elderly couple strolled arm in arm at a leisurely pace just ahead of Nick, the man was frail and walked with the aid of a walking stick. A woman in her mid to late thirties, with shoulder-length chestnut brown hair walked past Nick in the opposite direction, a black labrador trotted merrily beside her. She smiled at Nick as she passed, though he didn't notice.

The sun emerged briefly, its golden rays shining down and making the raindrops on the blades of grass glisten, before disappearing again behind a grey cloud. Nick admired the beauty of his surroundings as he walked, it was his last day in New York City - he would be returning to Detroit the following day and his interview was a couple of days later. His mind, however, was not on the upcoming interview, he was confident he would get the job, if however he did not, he wasn't sure yet what he would do or where he would go, he would cross that bridge when he came to it. He wasn't thinking ahead, he couldn't, he was just trying to take each day as it came.

He was having doubts as to whether he was actually ready to return to work, or if he even wanted to. He had thought he was ready, but now he was unsure, he wondered whether it was too soon. It had been almost two long months since Yvonne died, the longest months he had ever known, never had the hours and days seemed longer to Nick or more lonesome. But they say time is a healer and though his pain had not lessened, he had somehow managed to get through each day and he had even begun to look ahead. He knew Yvonne would want him to get on with his life, to carry on _living._ A future without her, however, seemed bleak.

There was a time when work was all he thought about, it was his raison d'etre. He was highly ambitious, driven and worked hard, he had climbed the career ladder and become an excellent doctor, one of the best. He was a highly skilled surgeon, quick thinking and a brilliant diagnostician, he became consultant in three different specialties, strove to make Holby City hospital's emergency department the best in the country and worked tirelessly to achieve that goal.

But he had felt there was something missing in his life. Then he had fallen in love, found true happiness and his life felt complete. When, a few months later Yvonne had been seriously injured, he had given up work without a second thought and left the ED to look after her. She had told him once to go back to work and that they could get a nurse to look after her, but he wouldn't hear of it. He did not want to go to work, she was all that mattered to him and he had taken care of her himself for six months, tenderly and lovingly.

Nick reflected on the past year and the rollercoaster of emotions it had brought, he knew it had changed him. He was no longer the arrogant, egotistical, workaholic, self-centred man he once was and though he was not yet fifty, he felt older.

Presently Nick found a vacant bench and seated himself upon it, and feeling rather peckish, he pulled out of his coat pocket a chocolate and hazelnut muesli bar, which he proceeded to eat whilst listening to the beautiful melodies in his classical music collection. He had spent a long time out of work, perhaps that was the reason he was finding the prospect of returning to a full time job somewhat daunting. Perhaps he was just tired. Or maybe, deep down, he thought that he was moving on too quickly.

Realising he was thinking too much and wanting to clear his head, Nick decided to continue exploring the park, then he would go and eat in one of the city's pizzerias, or perhaps have some street food. Hot dogs perhaps, or falafel, he had tried some falafel the other day and enjoyed it. Standing up, he placed the empty wrapper of the muesli bar in his pocket and strolled down the path. Though the sky was now clearer and the sun had come out, it was still chilly and he walked at a brisk pace in order to try and stay warm.

Nick spent the rest of the afternoon rambling through the vast park, taking in the sights and sounds and marvelling at his picturesque surroundings. He strolled in the gardens; saw shimmering lakes and ponds - the waters sparkling in the sunshine; Belvedere Castle and the stunning panoramic views it provided, and the cherry blossom trees that in a few weeks would be laden with delicate, pale pink flowers.

Everywhere he went and every step he took that day in that breathtakingly beautiful park he and Yvonne had dreamt of visiting together, he could almost hear her voice and laughter, see her smile and her sparkling eyes. Somehow, he felt as though she was right there beside him. As dusk began to fall over New York City, and the pale blue sky turned to shades of vivid orange, pastel pink and lilac, Nick paused momentarily to gaze at the sunset splendour. He was glad he had decided to come here.

The light was fading when he got into a yellow cab and the city lights were switching on. The taxi driver, who seemed quite affable, looked over his shoulder and asked his weary passenger whether he had had a good day. Nick was able to answer truthfully "yes, thank you. I have."

He leaned back in his seat and gazed out of the window as they drove through the streets. A new chapter of his life was about to begin, and though he missed Yvonne every second of every day, he knew she would forever be in his heart, and that wherever he went, she would be with him.


	5. Life goes on

**Here is the final chapter, I hope you like it. Thank you very much to everyone who has read and reviewed this fic!**

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Nick yawned and placed his pen down on the desk, which was currently covered with papers, files and books. He glanced at his watch, merely half an hour had passed since he had last checked the time but it felt like it was a lot longer, time seemed to have slowed to a crawl. He was on-call, there were several hours to go before his shift finished, and though there was an on-call room he could get some sleep in if he wanted to, he had decided to do some paperwork instead. He also had a pile of medical journals to read, and he didn't think he would get a lot of sleep anyway, as it was a very humid summer night.

The office was small, there was space in it only for a desk, a couple of chairs and a filing cabinet. The desk was beneath the large window, the room was lit by a single lamp, and it was silent apart from the sound of the traffic which came in through the open window.

Nick picked up an almost empty plastic bottle which sat on the corner of his desk, gulped down the remaining water and discarded it in the waste paper basket. He began to leaf through one of the journals, which was full of interesting articles about the latest medical research and its findings, however, unable to concentrate, he decided he would go get a coffee and stretch his legs.

Returning to his cramped office ten minutes later with his coffee, Nick wandered over to the window and stood there gazing out. The sky was crystal clear, there was not a cloud in sight, and despite the city's light pollution, Nick could see several stars twinkling in the dark, inky sky, one was brighter and bigger than the others. A full moon had risen above the rooftops, it was large, incredibly bright and magnificent. Moonlight flooded into the tiny room and seemed to give it an ethereal glow.

It had been almost four months since he started working at the hospital, he had had to get used to working in surgery again, which was quieter and the pace slower than in an emergency department, where he had worked for the past few years. He had got back into a routine - he would get up, grab a quick coffee and head for work. After a long, tiring day spent in theatre (or operating room as they called it here) performing cardio-thoracic surgery - elective as well as emergency operations, he would return to the apartment he was renting, collapse onto the sofa and order a takeaway, which he would eat in front of the television, whilst flicking through the channels.

He was glad to be back at work, fixing hearts and saving lives. It was good to be working with Mr Meyer again, they certainly got along a lot better now than they used to, and he got on well with his other colleagues too, most of them. There was one competent but highly arrogant and rather lazy Resident he clashed with on a regular basis, but Nick could see that he was talented and had the potential to become a very good surgeon.

He missed working in Holby ED, he missed his friends and colleagues there. And he missed Yvonne terribly, there were moments when he would be hit by pangs of anguish and he was overcome by a feeling of loss and emptiness, and other times when he could reminisce and smile. His heart still ached, the pain of loss would never go away, but he would always have lots of happy memories.

Nick seated himself again at his desk, putting his still steaming mug of coffee down carefully, he didn't want to spill any over his papers. He picked up the photo frame in front of him and as he looked at it the memories came rushing back. The photo was of him with Yvonne, standing together on the Victorian pier, their hair windblown and their arms around each other. The sky was a pale blue, the sea glistened behind them, and they were both beaming.

The photograph was taken just days before the riots in Holby. It had been a stressful few days for Yvonne and Nick had suggested they spend their day off on the coast.

_"It's beautiful here" remarked Yvonne happily, breathing in the fresh sea air as they stood together on the pier and gazed out at the vast expanse of water. "We should come here more often."_

_ Nick smiled and nodded in agreement. "We should" he said. They had enjoyed a brisk walk on the beach followed by lunch at a nice little cafe with a beautiful sea view and they were both feeling more relaxed already, like their worries had been washed away. There was something quite calming about listening to the roar of the waves and they stood in silence for a while, looking out to sea. Seagulls soared high above them, swooping low now and again to pick up a crumb, and screeching loudly. Around them on the pier, people milled around, also enjoying the view whilst chatting or having icecreams. _

_"That cottage by the sea you were talking about is actually starting to sound more appealing!" Yvonne said to Nick._

Nick put the frame back down on the desk. How he missed Yvonne. She was beautiful, ambitious and intelligent. She cared, she just wanted to make a difference, to do what she could to make the streets safer and help make the world a better place. She was stubborn and infuriating, she could really irritate Nick sometimes, especially with her untidiness. She had a dry sense of humour, she was feisty...He loved her, he really loved her. He always would.

_**'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.**_

Nick now understood what the Tennyson quote meant.

Finishing the coffee, Nick picked up his pen again to continue with his paperwork when he heard the sound of hurried footsteps in the corridor and there was a knock on the door. "Come in" he called, and one of the senior nurses, Jean, entered. She was in pink scrubs, a wise and kindly woman who had been a nurse for almost forty years and was just as well liked by the staff as she was by the patients. "Dr Jordan" she said, her tone urgent. "You're needed in the ER."

Nick leapt from his chair, grabbed his stethoscope and followed Jean out of the room. He rushed down the corridor towards the lifts, within moments he was in the busy emergency room and bursting through the doors of Trauma One. "What have we got?"


End file.
